How I Got Out My Dark Mental Pit
My life was happy and fun filled as a young child. I had no worries or concerns. I developed an understanding of what I thought life was from watching the adults around me and what I was exposed too. Then a shift came and everything changed. Life can be fickle like that. You can be having a great time and think you are on cloud nine and it takes a shift, an event, a moment that your world is changed and will never be the same. All I thought I knew was now different and unfamiliar. That shift developed a connection with trauma and pleasure. For every pleasure, I then had a thought that trauma would soon follow. I would make worlds of these traumas in my mind. Which would increase my anxiety, when in reality it was never even actually happening. It was all in my mind. I originally had happiness that I thought was absolute and it was abruptly taken away.
As life went on I would have enjoyable, exciting moments. None like that original absolute happiness that I longed for. It was though I could not fall into happiness and be overjoyed because I felt trauma was looming in the distance. I compartmentalized my traumas, my loneliness and the things that frightened me. That laid my dark pit foundation of fear, I built walls around it to keep me safe and away from being judged, ridiculed. No one was allowed inside but me, a real fortress. I literally participated in life and functioned as needed in all situations, home, school and no one ever knew how deep my wounds were.
As I became a teenager and hormones created new rooms in my dark pit with its own levels of confusion and poor choices made out of fear and stress. I continued to master masking my truth. I became an adult and thought now that I was “in control and grown,” I could function and do what I wanted. The lies they tell. My dark pit was elaborate and fully furnished at this point. I was in a full masquerade. Existing and appearing as a version of myself, happy, fun, exciting and a risk taker. Which was and is my personality but I was holding back because no one knew what was within my mansion of darkness.
I knew that I could no longer live this way and wanted more for myself and my existence. It was hell in my cell to keep this charade going. I would abruptly breakdown in tears because I left my pit door open and all those emotions were spilling out in random places. I would of course compose myself and no one was ever the wiser. I went to counseling, started reading about knowledge of self. I learned the descriptive words for what I was experiencing were called depression, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, anger and isolation. I studied what they meant and how to meditate and the power I possess. I began moving furniture out my mental pit, I tore down the upstairs and felt amazing. Yet that pleasure/trauma association was still in the foundation of that pit. I had that mentally ingrained for so long that it was a deeper wound to heal. I decided to do what I had never done and I gave into myself. I had to go within and reconfigure my thoughts. The key to that healing was tapping into my energy sources. Out of my darkness came my light. I can humble myself and stand in my truth and face which was hidden in my darkness and bring it to the light.
That trauma becomes your evil and it's your evil that's running you. The devil is nothing but the hidden, the darkness the fear. It's your mind its your own thoughts. The subliminal game is the game. Getting down to yourself and the nature of your mind. Your chakras which are the circular vortexes of energy that are placed in seven different points on the spinal column, and all the seven chakras are connected to the various organs and glands within the body. They also hold your emotions which is also connected to your traumas or your victories or your perspectives of what you absorb. If you go through all the chakra work and nothing happens, you basically just went through the motions. Once you really surrender and get your emotional 7 straight and you become God 7 then you can get the mind straight which represents the affinity or the 8 which is infinite it touches all that is and which is never ending. Your mind exists forever. Your mind is your soul. Healing begins within.