It's Always Been You
“When you are filled with self-hate your mind is reversed. Meaning you will love the things that destroy you, and you will hate the things that advance your growth. – Dr. Amos Wilson
Self-destructive behavior had me in a mental pit within myself that I saw no way out of. I couldn’t pinpoint what was really bothering me. I was sick of crying and just being a royal bitch to myself, family, friends and everybody. I knew that was not my true intention and who I was or how I was raised. I harbored resentment, felt alone, misunderstood, lied too and doubtful of my purpose and worth. I was at my bottom and knew I needed to shift. My first step was humbling myself. I stood in my truth and took accountability. I was the reason, my life was were it was. Really we all fucked up in some way shape or form and all have a story but when we choose to live in that hurt and trauma that’s a choice. I had to be accountable for allowing it to be a resident in my existence. I had to face what I had hidden within me. That it was molding me into this person I couldn’t stand. Occult Sciences really helped me because you really get down to yourself and the nature of the mind. Occult Sciences focuses on studying of the hidden knowledge. For instance I needed to peel back the layers and remove a lot of old traumas that were resurfacing in my life as an adult. One main way I did this was with chakra healing. Your chakras are actual physical locations in the body. They are bundles of nerves that come together in various locations. Most are along the spinal column. At their points they produce an electromagnetic field in a certain color that acts as a function for that section of the body. Your chakras hold emotions which are also connected to your traumas, your victories or your perspectives of what you absorb. Chakra healing work is about truly surrendering to the process and getting your emotional 7 main centers straight (to include but not a chakra from your mid-thigh down is considered brown and is your ground/balancing/present here and now). If you could see energy through and electrospectography you would see that gravity has a brown color to it. Working from your ground, root up through chakra spinning is the best way to heal and energize the chakra system. A great resource to study is Stewart Swerdlow books, The Hyperspace Helper and The Healer’s Handbook: A Journey Into Hyperspace. Below are your chakras in there order and what they represent.
Root located at the base of the spine( pale red energizer, also male creativity)
Sacral located in the lower abdominal below the navel(pale orange, color of absolute truth, female creativity, also can be used to replace sunlight)
Solar plexus located below the ribcage(pale yellow, digestion and absorption, also understanding and has to do with the digestive and nervous systems)
Heart located at the center of the chest(pale/medium green, emotions, also the color of oxygen and time, medium green is related to the past and can energetically represent growth, represents the immediate past)
Throat located at the throat(ice blue, communication color, also is a sign of depression, especially if it is in the heart chakra, also stops bleeding and pain, fever and can reduce blood pressure, but you need to know when to stop so you don’t get depressed and represents the very near future)
The third eye located in the center of the brain(royal blue, all the senses, represents hyperspace, far future, technology)
Crown located at the top of the head, the soft spot(Violet, protection color, acts as a filter or purifier of energies, has a very spiritual connotation to it.
Once you align your chakras and become God 7 then you can get the mind straight which represents the affinity or the 8 which touches all things and which is never ending. Which is what we all truly are never ending transferred energy.
There are 3 ways that the mind receives and processes trauma, symbols and repetition.
From the day you were born your EGO and conscious mind knew to cry and breastfeed. As you grew it developed more under trauma, repetition and symbols.
Symbols are all around you. Your favorite pillow, teddy bear, your room, your Mom’s smile, the cross, the picture of the last supper. They are all symbols that program you.
Repetition is when you wake up, go pee, brush your teeth, take a shower, dry off, put lotion on, put on clothes and shoes, clean your room your Mother showed you how to do these things and it conditioned you.
Then here comes trauma don’t brush your teeth I’ gone beat your ass, this room ain’t clean I’m gone beat your ass, don’t make me come in there, manners, respect your elders. What you think you are creating as a personality is really the development of your EGO.
The next phase is you getting out in the world and have friends. They tell you that shirt looks funny don’t wear those ugly shoes. They either talking shit or praising you and you start developing how you want to interact in the world, all these things build up your EGO. By the time your of age and want to finally learn some conscious shit you are already fighting through years of trauma without even knowing it is trauma. You have become so comfortable with it you call it your personality. You have to be aware and know that you have different aspects of your mind unconscious, subconscious and conscious. We keep feeding our EGO which is our conscious mind. When we need to feed the heart which is the subconscious mind, the true transformative tool. I gathered all this information from Stewart Swerdlow and Brother Panic.
I started listening, studying and reading different material and resources my Dad was sending me and a lot I found on my own from people like C. Freeman El, Bobby Hemmit, Dr. Phil Valentine, Brother Panic, Khadijah Samedi, Shahrazad Ali, Tariq Nasheed, Amos Wilson, Francis Cress Welsing, William Cooper, Stewart Swerdlow, Dr. Sebi, Djehuty Ma’at-Ra, Llaila Afrika, Alim El Bey, Dr. Kaba, Aseer The Duke of Tiers and so many more. Their work was a map for me to reprogram myself and know which way I needed to go on my path. My trajectory of healing, cleansing and knowledge of self has been one that could only be done alone. I have always done little things over my life that I did not know the whole meaning at the time yet it is so clear to me now. When I found out who and what I am and the truth about this prison we exist in I could no longer carry this vessel Yorketta, in the way I once did. When you become something new you become uninterested in the same shit you use to do and talk about. To become something new you have to reorder your thinking. Folk don’t like to hear that it is you that have to save you. They want it to be Anubis or someone from the sky. No one is coming to save you but you. That is the beginning and end.